This is 50.

I know it's just a number but WOW! Here we are. No filter on that pic. That's all me - lifelines and all! I just couldn't let a big one like this go by without sharing here on Cheval Glass. I've been gone from here for awhile (yeah,  I gotta work on that) but here are some of my reflections at ...whew...I've never typed it out...at 50! Here we go.

So much of my 20's through 40's was exploration - Nine moves and five different cities. My 20's felt like a patch-work quilt. Todd and I found "our people" all along the way and I'm so thankful for those friendships through church small groups, our work lives, and community connections. Many of those people are still a part of our lives. You know who you are. I love you.

People would say to us that we "waited" to start our family in our 30's, but Todd and I became a family THE DAY we were married. We grew up together in our 20's. I was diagnosed with panic anxiety disorder in my late 20's & got professional help. I changed a lot of my lifestyle and my eating habits. It was a challenging time, but I am so glad I hit it head on. We traveled quite a bit internationally on missions trips and personally in our 20's. I spent a lot of time songwriting and producing/playing in the studio. Most importantly, I had a massive crisis of faith most of my 20's which means I was questioning EVERYTHING about God, faith and the church and worked through quite a bit of that in my 20's.

We thought we would live in Atlanta forever when we moved there in 1997, but God had different plans. We sold our cars, our beautiful new home and most everything in it and moved with our 15 month old daughter to the Upper West Side of NYC in 2005 to help our friends, Carmen and Aaron Coe plant The Gallery Church. We used to laugh that we lived a pretty stationary life for 8 years and then all the sudden we started having children and started moving all the time. God truly has a sense of humor.

We had a miscarriage in NYC between our children and that was a dark time for me as it is for any woman who goes through it. I know there is another Cullen I will meet in Heaven one day. NYC took us to HHI in 2007 with now our almost 3 year old and 6 week old son to plant Hilton Head Island Community Church.  Now, 16 years later, I would never have dreamed that this is where I would be at 50. 

I never imagined that sorrow and joy could co-exist. I look back on my life at this point and realize how much they have both been there all along the journey... hand in hand. Leaving our extended family, our home church, and my best friend in ATL to meeting new friends in NYC that have become life-long friends as well. Leaving NYC to move to HHI (Yeah I didn't want to move here!) to "returning" there now with our college girl now in the city. Losing my dad to cancer at 67, but now seeing my mom thrive in her 2nd act. Watching our kids grow up too fast and yet so happy about who they have become.

I never thought I would enjoy living on HHI like I do. I thought this was the place that musicians, artists, & an artistic community go to die! I was SO wrong. My first friends were great musicians... Andy Pitts, Dean St. Hillaire, Randy Looman, & Dave Masteller...still are great musicians and good friends. Since then, I have gotten involved in our arts community with ISCA, HHDT,  The Junior Jazz Foundation, and the community theater world when I can. I'm so thankful for my "artsy" friends and our artistic community. Now, I have a dancer daughter and son who is an aspiring jazz drummer because of the incredible artistic community here. Words do not adequately express my thankfulness for this community and their mentors in their lives.

I never thought it would be so hard to be married and raise kids. I shared a few weeks ago in our services on Mother's Day about spiritual warfare and how it is real and how if I didn't know it existed, Todd and I might not still be married. I meant that. We just celebrated 28 years by God's grace. Life is hard, being pastors is 24/7, and raising kids is not for the faint of heart as many of you know. I am so thankful today for Todd, our church family, and Sydney and Sean.

I have never breathed "thank you, God" as much as I do now. Every day is a gift. Every moment with my kids and with Todd. I slow down a lot more now. I say " I'll do that tomorrow" a lot more. I pray more throughout the day, constantly praying for my friends, our community, our world, and whatever God brings to my mind. I wake up and begin thanking God for rest, the home I live in, and the people He has blessed me with...family, friends, and our faith community. I am so thankful for the friends that God has blessed with me to do life with here on the Island. I'm thankful for the extended friends through social media I have made and the ability to stay connected to my extended family.

So I celebrate life itself today. All the parts of the journey and yea, this feels weird to think I'm 50, but I am so thankful. I will keep saying that to God in my breath prayers and whatever the next 50 hold, I will always say God is good. He is faithful when I am not. He always provides even when I don't manage what we have well. He knows what's best even when I get frustrated with circumstances. His mercy and grace are there each morning for me to receive. He's got it and He always has had it and He always will.

"For the Lord is always good. He is always loving and kind, and his faithfulness goes on and on to each succeeding generation." - Psalm 100:5

It's time, women

Being a women in ministry for the past...oK...many years... twenty something...has been a privilege and yet a lonely experience. Granted, I have enjoyed being a part of the "early days" of women who were hired at the executive level of churches. Honestly. Had it not been for certain male leaders who were not afraid to let "a woman" lead, I would not be where I am today. You know who you are :-)

I've been praying for our church (and for me) to have an awakening to the importance of community among women around the principles of God's Word, our value to God as women, and living life with all the hats we wear. I have great expectation about the future and movements that are getting traction in our world for women like me and women who are in need of community (like me!)

There are two movements that I am excited to get connected and be a part of in 2015! I call them movements because they are driven by a COMMUNITY of women and not just one person (I love that!)

IF:Gathering

We are now an IF: Local chapter and will be partnering with ALL aspects of the IF movement at HHICC. We are a LOCAL gathering for the IF:Gathering event on Friday-Saturday, February 6-7. If you live in the HHI area, please join us! Register here.

Propel Women

This is launching TODAY at my Alma Mater with a week of activies. If you are a woman in leadership, get connected to this on Facebook, Twitter, and their magazine. Can't wait to see what happens with this! Excited to see how this will impact the NEXT generation of women (including my daughter).

It's time, women...let's go!

A first step

 
  Sunday night, we had the opportunity to sponsor a Global Missions Benefit Concert for our four missions partners at HHICC. All the bands performed for free, the food was provided by Harold's Diner, and we accepted donations for all our partners throughout the night.

I've been giddy since Sunday night for so many reasons.  I was so thrilled with the turnout for the event.  Because we have never done anything like this before, we had NO idea what the turnout would be for this.  It was the first time we have hosted a concert in our new facility since we moved in last July. We invited the "Voted Best Band of 2012" on the Island, Cranford and Sons (who Randy, one of our drummers, is a founding member), and a singer-songwriter friend of Cranford, Angel Snow to join our HHICC artists (who opened the night's concert). Brandon and Kim Smith also performed and shared about their ministry, No Hungry Children.

I have a sincere passion to create avenues for artists to engage with the church. I feel very strongly that the "Church at Large" needs to do a better job of this.  Last night was a first step for us at HHICC.  Doing events like this allows the walls to come down  in every way.  We find what we can do together and create opportunitues for partnership and new relationships are formed.  Oh..and it was like a giant party!

I am so thankful for our team who served, most of them since 7am that morning for services.  It was an amazing expereience to see people from all over our Island community, not just our church community, come and support these artists as well as projects to build schools in Belize, feed kids in Africa, and send Islanders on mission trips.

Sometimes as a church, we don't do a very good job bringing the community together. I recognize that. Last night, we DID! It was such a privilege to host it, to participate in the concert with other artists, and share our music together. All of it...to benefit people all over the world who need our help...and we made new friends in the process.

This is not the end...I can't wait to do this again!  I look forward to MORE opportunities for us to create avenues for artists and the community to come together here on the Island.

Women in Worship Podcast

CLICK HERE to hear a podcast I was invited to be a part of with my friend Rich Kirkpatrick. We discuss "Women in Worship." It was awesome to be a part of this with two of my friends, Jan and Kim. I am so thankful for my recreate community where I was introduced to these amazing people.

Let me hear your thoughts here on it...

Sunday Recap

 

Do you remember the Seinfeld when Kramer is at "1st and 1st" and tells Jerry "I'm a the Nexis of the universe?" Well, that is kinda of how I felt this weekend. I ran my right hand into a wall accidentally on Friday and bruised it (depth perception problems!), we went to 2 services yesterday, offered a Christmas Brunch in between services, did HUGE music with carols and other more difficult than normal stuff, had our 1st Baby Dedication (which is kind of a production the way we do it) , my service producer threw her back out and was not there yesterday, my husband preached (which he normally does not), and my 4 year old had 102 fever all weekend!!!! Yeah, I took a killer nap yesterday.  It was a fabulous day!  Going to 2 services did exactly what we thought it would and really gave us some breathing room. We have been averaging in the 110's lately and had 136 yesterday. The service flowed great!  I chose a mix of carols and songs of reflection that complemented the holiday season, but also tied well with Todd's message on the Holy Spirit. Most of these were my arrangements so it was a lot of fun!  Here was our setlist...
1. All Hail the Power of Jesus' Name with Joy to the World
2. Hark! The Herald Angels Sing
3. Do you Hear What I Hear ?  - Third Day
4. Breathe - Vineyard
5. Agnus Dei - MWS
We also did our first Baby dedication at our campus. We really go all out for these. We give each family a small Baby New Testament , a red rose in a vase (to acknowledge their child as an addition to the church family), and 2 letters - one that thanks them for being there and the other is for their child to open on the day that they accept Christ as their Savior so they know they were prayed for as a child. Todd prayed over the family and the child - it took 5 minutes!  We will always do these on an individual basis.  Believe it or not, even if you are a mega church , you can fit these in (I used to!) We just had certain Sundays we would schedule these and believe me, people LOVE this and invite their pre-Christian family and friends and it makes a HUGE impact.
Brunch was awesome...it was just a fabulous day. Our wonderful friend, Janice, came to our house and stayed with Sydney because of her illness (Doc said today it's an ear infection.) In the 15 months we have been doing services, this was the 1st time I had a sick baby on a Sunday morning. God is good! Glad it's Monday.

Check out more setlists at Fred's!

I'm a woman in church leadership

I have tried the best I can to avoid this...but I cannot any longer. After reading Vicky's blog today, I have a responsibility as a woman who is in church leadership to contribute to this conversation.   I have seen and heard more than I have ever wanted to about this subject in the last month. This issue is not strengthening the church - it is dividing it and that causes me such heartache.  I can only speak to my convictions and my experience in church as a woman.