Embrace IT

The age of microblogging has definitely pulled me away from cheval glass over the past few years. It is so much easier to share a thought or two and maybe a pic. However, I have felt over the last few months a sense of being drawn back to visit and share in this place more frequently with you as the new year - 2019- is upon us.

There is a freedom and a sense of true fulfillment that will never be achieved without experiencing pain and suffering to get there. This may not seem to be a profound statement at all. However, for someone like me who was raised with the mindset of " If you make all the right decisions, you will have a pain-free life" this is a complete departure from that thinking. I am no different than anyone else. I don't like pain. I don't like sadness. I don't like suffering. I want to run away from it. I want to hide from it. I want to ignore that it is happening. I want to believe if you work hard, you can avoid pain. I always thought if I strived to always do my best, somehow all these great strategic decisions would create a pain-free life for me. Yeah...

When God created us, we were perfect. The world was perfect.  No matter where you fall on the theological spectrum, we must recognize that we live in a broken world and we as humans need to take responsibility for our part in that brokenness. We can't live a part from the pain. It is all around us.

Sometimes pain finds us and we didn't do anything. We didn't cause it. We are hit with the shrapnel of other's choices and we are in pain. This has been the toughest one for me.

However, this is what I have noticed:

I look at my daughter's feet. A dancer's feet are not something to be viewed if you have a weak stomach. It's amazing to watch her perform with her talented dance family and create beautiful performances. But they don't happen without the sore muscles, injuries, blisters, the pain, the broken toe nails, etc... love you, Syd.

I watch my friend Kris. Her presence at her son's bedside the last few months as he struggles with cancer is more than any of us can imagine. I have seen the struggle on all sides with her faith in God literally growing right before my eyes and yet being challenged. The impact is unbelievable that it has had on so many people...including me. Love you, Kris.

I look at my mom. Being a widow now for 18 months and the new life she has embraced. She was the caregiver to my Dad who suffered with cancer for 3 years. She was with him every moment of every day during his cancer. Now, she's a children's book author, continues to teach piano, and share what she has with her church in a way that she has never been able to do over the past few years. Love you, Mom.

I think about my dad. I was with my Dad when he took his last breath. He died in his living room in a hospice bed. He suffered for three years with a rare form of kidney cancer. I know certain things would have never been said between me and my father if it had not been for cancer. We had time to talk and there was a lot of redemptive work that happened between us because of his cancer. Miss you Dad.

I look at the #metoo movement.  No verbal male chauvinism that I have experienced in the "church-world" can compare to what so many have physically endured. It has been painful for us to see and hear but I believe that this movement is bringing conversation and and a new reality that will ultimately lead to a better world for my daughter and especially the "church-world" (who needs this transparency more than ever.)

I look at our personal finances. Todd and I have made a lot of dumb decisions. We caused a lot of our pain but some of it, just happened. I don't think we would have the trust and dependence in God to provide for our family OR the contentment and gratitude with what we have without the pain.

I look at our church. There is no greater test to your own walk with God than being a church-planter or being on a church staff team. You can quote me on that. The greatest moments of seeing life-change in our church have been through the greatest moments of suffering, pain and loss. Whether death within our church family, cancer or prolonged sickness, moving forward on what God is calling you to do even when it's not popular, one family LEAVING your church for a reason that a new family starting COMING to your church (this really happens!) and even multiple hurricanes to your Island that actually unite you as a community much more than ever before the storms.

Jesus made a promise to us when He came to earth. " I’ve told you all this so that trusting me, you will be unshakable and assured, deeply at peace. In this godless world you will continue to experience difficulties. But take heart! I’ve conquered the world.” (John 16:33 MSG) As a Christ-follower, I know that my ultimate peace is found in my relationship with God through Jesus. That is where my inner peace truly lies when I see or experience pain. I cling to this truth. But I sometimes, I just want it all to stop. God knows and He listens.

So as 2019 is upon us, I ask the question to myself and to you... Will you embrace the pain this year? I want to embrace it. I don't want to try to hide from it. That desire will always be there I know, but I do truly want to embrace it. I do know what fulfillment comes from getting to the other side of it.

Thanks for making it this far in this post. I would like to share my verses for 2019 with you and I hope they encourage you to embrace IT as well.

Happy New Year...

"Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way. If you don’t know what you’re doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You’ll get his help, and won’t be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought." James 1:2-8 (MSG)

Falling

My daughter started a vlog when she turned 13 a couple of weeks ago. She has been wanting to do this for about two years but thank you, YouTube for making the official age "13" so she had to wait! I've been involved in social media since 2007 so I am coaching and very involved in talking with her about her content but I am really allowing her to explore this on her own.

I don't think I would have shared with the world a vlog titled "How I Fell on Stage" when I was her age. But I can't tell you how proud I am that she did. One of the most important lessons I want her to learn in life is the importance of falling. No, I don't want her to fall as a dancer on stage at ANYTIME, but we learn so much more in life when we fall than when we succeed.

Here is a link to her vlog in her own words...

and here's a link to the dance she performed in the first service today.

Hope

 

 My word for 2016 was HOPE. Circumstances and age itself can sometimes rob us of HOPE. To be honest, this was the first time in my life that I can remember that I really struggled to sense that there was hope in some specific areas of my life. I truly claimed these verses:

Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."

Joel 2:25-26  - I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the hopper, the destroyer, and the cutter, my great army, which I sent among you. 26 “You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied, and praise the name of the Lord your God, who has dealt wondrously with you..."

As I reflect today on the past 12 months, I prayed for that word to be realized in some very specific areas of my life...and it did happen. I think I learned that I have to come to the end of myself so that I can truly see God work in areas I know I have exhausted what I CAN DO. That's where He wants to me camp out and pitch my tent. Some were very personal experiences for me,  but let me share a few "hope-filled" highlights from 2016 (in no particular order.)

• Our family was able to take a "once-in-a-lifetime" vacation together to beautiful Turks and Caicos last May. We had an amazing and memory-filled experience that I will treasure forever. My Dad felt well the entire week and he and mom were finally able to go to the Caribbean together. Todd and I enjoyed an anniversary breakfast together overlooking the ocean and enjoyed some meaningful time with my sister Christie and her family as well.

• My father is still courageously fighting cancer and survived a very dangerous surgery this month and is home at last. I am hopeful of his recovery and more days ahead with him.

• We did a Facebook LIVE service in the midst of our Hurricane Matthew evacuation to ATL in October with Andrea and Geno Miller (who evacuated there as well) None of us new what we would be coming home to and doing that service from my sister's living room (Thank you Christie and Bruce!) was the most worshipful service I did this year. I can truly say I worshiped from a place of totally reliance that God was in control because none of us were at all! Click here to check it out.

• Early pictures Post-Hurricane Matthew looked as if our home was completely underwater. We were blessed to return to no significant damage to our home at all. Just trees and debris everywhere. Survivor guilt is a real thing as we walk this journey with so many friends who experienced significant damage and still continue to recover. We are still hopeful that our beautiful Island will return to life before Matthew. We are #HHISTRONG.

• I took on a new role at HHICC as Ministry Operations Director. My task this year was to streamline our efforts as a staff-team in the areas of finances, ministry, and member development and help remove as much from Todd's plate as possible so that he could truly PASTOR and LEAD our staff team and congregation. The "hope"moment is that Todd and are actually STILL married (LOL!) Seriously, I am so proud of Todd, our staff team, Elders, and Stewarship Team for their support and for their patience with me in this new role and as we continue to learn together how we can all be our best in our unique roles at HHICC.

• Sydney saw her dream realized of having a lead role as Fritz in The Nutcracker. She was "hopeful" for this experience and danced it beautifully this year. It was such a great two weeks having family come to HHI to support her.  I loved being a part as a volunteer and being in "her world." She is embarking on this form of art being her life's devotion and God continues to open doors for her to use it for Him. Click here to see what she choreographed and danced in this year's "An Evening in December." She got braces this year and is not "a little girl" anymore - Dad is in denial. I am really enjoying our "talks" and observing her choices and choosing her friendships. I love this! (I know, enjoy it while I can!)

• Sean grew up this year. Too quick for my taste. His love for math and science has developed into a passion. He asked his teacher for more math homework! (yeah, weird kid...) He got a drum set this year and started learning to play. I'm loving it! He continues to thrive with Tormenta Soccer and we have grown to love our team and parents this year. We prayed that God would put us together with great parents and kids and HE DID. We love our #07BlackHHI boys! I love verbally hearing how Sean processes life. He has this cute way of using big words in the wrong context? It's hilarious. Todd and Sean love flying their drones, wrestling in the living room (help me!) and playing golf together. I love seeing "my men" spend time together and have fun.

• Todd and I are learning and growing a lot right now as we embark on almost 22 years of marriage. We both have learned a lot from the past few years about ourselves and what lies ahead for us. It is so different with the kids growing up and already being so independent (which I highly recommend raising kids to be that way!) Date nights and daily meaningful conversations are not luxuries...they are a lifelines to us staying connected and a being a vital part of each other's lives. You take vows for a reason, right? The good, the bad, the scarry, the frustrating, the win, the loss...it's the TOTALITY of it all that makes a marriage. We are learning that and expecting God to continue to shape us for His purpose as we grow together in Him.

• We purchased our HHICC campus...Finally! This was a big one. We were hopeful that this contract would close before the end of 2016, saving us thousands of dollars and on the last business day of 2016, Todd signed the papers and we purchased our 2 buildings and 3 acres. Todd had the best night of sleep all year last night! We are so blessed to have such an amazing group of leaders at HHICC who led this effort to GET IT DONE.

As I wrap this blog up on New Year's Eve 2016, I can't help but think this: I'm here. My kids and my husband are here with me. Thank you, God. There was so much uncertainty this year in our personal lives, in our country, our world, and in our community. But for me, hope was realized in so many beautiful ways throughout this year and I am indeed, so thankful.

My New Year's Eve Prayer..."Father God, our Provider and Sustainer, thank you for your faithfulness in 2016 and that it never ends.  Even when I lose heart...even when I feel that I am without hope...you are constant. Thank you that you prove over and over again that YOU are Faithful and that You will provide HOPE in YOUR time, in YOUR way...You are God and I am not. I need to be reminded of that way too often, Father! In the Name of Your Son, Jesus, AMEN."

Grateful

   

I am the type of person that when I'm in the weeds, I don't want to talk about it until I get a handle on it. Honestly, I just simply disconnected from cheval glass this year. However, I am coming into a clearing and it's time to break the silence.

I'm grateful on this Thanksgiving Day 2016 for so many things, but mainly one thing...I have not given up. I never thought in my twenties when I was ready to conquer the world that I would be so grateful in my forties for simply surviving. There are public and private circumstances that push all of us to the brink of wanting to give up many times. I am not special. We all have our own wars we face and as I told a friend recently, don't downplay your circumstances by comparing them to others. Only God knows what each of us are TRULY going through in our lives. But, this blog post is called grateful and so these are the things what I want to share with you.

• I am grateful that my husband and I are still together. Why do I say that? We are both stubborn first-born. He is the Lead Pastor and I am his "right hand woman." What could go wrong? We are both selfish because we are in fact...human. We disagree, we argue, we apologize, we ask for forgiveness from each other (and our staff sometimes!) I am grateful we have not given up. I am grateful we are not just living under this roof together. We ARE together. He cooked Thanksgiving today because he is AMAZING at it. I am good at the centerpiece, not so good with the cooking. I love to plan, create menus, organize, clean out, clean up, and eat his fabulous cooking. I am grateful that we are at our best when we play to our strengths.

• I am grateful that I am watching my two kids right now drink hot chocolate (with more cool whip than hot chocolate) as they watch their favorite Christmas movie, ELF. They are better people than Todd and I. They love passionately, have sincere beliefs, and live much more balanced work versus play lives than their parents. They get God's unconditional love and their faces reflect everyday to me that they know who they are and WHO goes before them.

• I'm grateful that I talked with my Dad on the phone today...he's courageously fighting cancer.

• I am thankful for my home. Even with all the Hurricane Matthew debris still piled up in my yard...it's still here. We had no damage at all. I am thankful for my sister and brother-in-law who welcomed us into their home for 8 days unannounced when we had to evacuate.

• I am grateful for my Wednesday Lunch Women's Life Group. I may facilitate our discussion but they have taught me and loved me for who I am. You know who you are, ladies.

• I am grateful for friends from far away who text me encouraging words, call me and leave me messages, and who make time for me whenever our paths get to cross.

• I am grateful for my church family at HHICC. We have a great church and a great staff. We have real people with real life stuff happening all the time. I'm thankful they accept Todd and I as imperfect leaders who are on this journey with them. We don't get it right sometimes but we love our church and we love leading this church together as a couple.

I love how the Apostle Paul writes about his gratefulness in Romans 12:3. I love the Message version of this.  "I'm speaking to you out of deep gratitude for all that God has given me, and especially as I have responsibilities in relation to you. Living then, as every one of you does, in pure grace, it’s important that you not misinterpret yourselves as people who are bringing this goodness to God. No, God brings it all to you. The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what he does for us, not by what we are and what we do for him."

As I reflect today on what I am grateful for, I am still learning how to be constantly aware of how much God has blessed me and not just blow by acknowledging His goodness. I want to be grateful for every breath...grateful for the people in my life...grateful for everything He has given me. Because honestly, I know I don't deserve it.

Worship Team Training Hangout Christmas Celebration

I was so  honored to join Branon Dempsey and Rich Kirkpatrick once again for a Hangout Christmas Celebration with our thoughts on 2015 and the year to come. I think we should have a practice session next time when we debut our instruments :-) That was fun! Enjoy!

 

Worship Team Hangout with Worship Team Training

It was a privilege to be a part of Worship Team Training hosting a Hangout with Branon Dempsey, Rich Kirkpatrick and myself. I love being able to talk about what God is doing at HHICC through our musical artists and how we are able to share their gifts within our community. I look forward to joining then again on Wednesdat, Dec 23rd!

Watch the hangout below or click here.

 

Recap #EID2015

I can't believe another "An Evening in December" Christmas concerts (and desserts!) has come and gone! What an amazing day of performances and being in community with great musical artists here on Hilton Head Island.  

As our world around us is ever changing, I believe now more than ever, there is such a longing for something in life to be consistent, a desire to surround yourself with people you enjoy, and the passion to experience beautiful moments together. I believe that "An Evening in December" is a catalyst for  those things to happen on Hilton Head Island.

There are not enough words to thanks the countless volunteers, musical artists, and attendees for making this year's concerts so enjoyable and memorable.  Thank you all so much!

Here's couple of board mixes from the show. Enjoy and Merry Christmas!

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

 

My Favorite Things 

An Evening in December turns 7

I never imagined when I decided in the Fall of 2009 to do a Christmas concert with some desserts that it would become an annual event on Hilton Head Island. I had only lived here for a couple of years and had just started to meet some musicians and thought, "Hey, this could be fun! Let's perform some great Christmas classics and have some dessert for an hour!" The response the first year was overwhelming and has been every year. Every show has been different but the core of the team of artists that began together to do this show has remained unchanged. That blows we away!

We sold out of both shows a week before the event this year. First time ever. The work it takes for this team of artists to gather together each year to make this happen is amazing. None of us have time to do this show. We try to fit rehearsals in as best we can but really don't have enough time to work everything out...yet, somehow, we pull it together at the show! Everyone does what they have to do to make this a part of their year each year. I am so grateful for the artists who give so much, who enjoy the process almost more than the product, and for the relationships that have developed and been brought back together again...because of a little, simple, Christmas concert.

Now in its 7th year, we have an entire team of event directors, dessert coordinators, cookie and dessert bakers, and an ARMY of adult and student volunteers who serve at the concerts each year. I am so thankful for this team and how they come together once a year to create such a magical night for our Islanders and their families.

We have had Buddy the Elf (really!), ballet, "Grandma Getting Run over by Reindeer", and "Carol of the Bells "(like no other) to name a few elements.  I am so excited about Sunday night because of what it has represented through the years AND the new artists that have joined this event this year...some of our school music teachers and professionals singers on the Island. 

Never underestimate the power of a musical community coming together to be a part of something greater than anything they could ever do on their own. I know I never will. Here's an audio sample of some great performances through the years...

Evening in December Sampler

 

 Our first year - 2009

 

 2013 

 

 2014  

 

Finding the words

 It seems I have been in a season of life that finding the words to express here on a traditional blog has been very difficult. When I began blogging in 2006, it was such new art form and the microblogging that we all do now had not taken off. Saying what I need to say in 140 characters has become a lifestyle, but at times, the real conversation needs more words.

I have more to say and more questions to ask you all but finding the words...so much pain in our world...so much suffering. In losing Todd's mom to cancer last year and walking the cancer journey now with my Dad...these things have made me speechless in some ways to express my heart and mind...I don't really know how to say it (nice run-on sentence!)

But as Thanksgiving is upon us, I have found these words...thank you, Father God.

Thank you for the suffering...because it made me turn to You. Thank you for the pain...because it made me recognize more personally what you actually did for us in sending Your Son, Jesus, to this painful place.

Thank you for the sweet moments with my daughter, watching her dance and seeing the joy it brings her (and You!)

Thank you for my playful son, who randomly hands me a "make believe" sword and says "En garde!"

Thank you for my husband who continues to be by my side even though this season is not a lot of fun for either of us.

Thank you for another day to say thank you.

What are you thankful for? 

My report card

I began to pick up on signals with Sydney toward the end of 3rd grade that made me nervous about how she viewed the learning experience. Our 1st year of homeschool - her 4th grade year - was a lot of me "untangling" what was a mess in her head about learning. She was honest with me about how she would "hide' with "I don't know" when asked a question in class so she didn't have to figure it out. Everything was exposed in our one-on-one environment. I realized how much she had missed with vowels and consonants in K-1st (due to ENT issues later solved). I could tell how much she struggled in our daily reading time and her vocabulary and listening skills were below level. I chose a curriculum for 5th grade for Language Arts that targeted working on these skills. It paid off.

   This year, she has turned a huge corner in her listening skills and ability to process information. She gained confidence in her ability to assess information and communicate it verbally. Her math scores were high and her overall confidence this year has grown by leaps and bounds!  She has had more time to devote to art, ballet and music and I strongly believe allowing her time to explore in the areas that come easier to her has helped her gain confidence in EVERY area of her life. 

Sydney wants to return to an in-school environment next year and we are allowing her to do that. I see that she has really grown in her ability to view learning in a positive way and I feel so much more connected to how she learns and what she needs in order to be successful. We will take it one year at a time, but I am so thankful for the two years we have had to "right the ship" of learning in her life.

I'm giving myself a hard-earned B+ (I missed the A because of disrupting class sometimes with my poor attitude and lack of patience..:-)