How was your sabbatical?

This question...meh. It's a lot of pressure. I went into these "38 days" with the intent to refocus, refresh, and reflect. Yes those things happened. But even when you take a sabbatical, you never take one from life itself. There were friends who lost loved ones to cancer and covid. All the highly-anticipated college dance auditions trips & travel were canceled due to another variant. Disappointment, loss, unmet expectations....they follow you on a sabbatical.

I read that if you want to have a different 2022 then you have to decide what you are going to change about you for that to happen.Truth. My counselor challenged me to journal about what I feel God wants me to change about my perspective in every area of my life and to also take more seriously soul care than ever before as a lifestyle...not just a "when I have time" thing. All good things and yes, God absolutely did some fresh work in all areas of my life. I am so thankful for the time. It has truly been a gift.

So here I am. Heading back to normal life because make no mistake...a sabbatical is NOT reality! What do I do now?

I am a little nervous about being unhealthy again. I was exhausted. Absolutely exhausted. As so many of my brothers and sisters in ministry over the last two years have expressed...ministry got REALLY hard with Covid. Everything got hard in life period. And it's ok. I'm not 25 anymore! There's that too!

So here I am. First week back. I didn't know how I would feel and didn't have an expectation. So, this "non-feeling" place is legit. And back to my first point. What am I going to change about ME if I want healthy soul care and if I truly desire God's perspective on everything?

1. Fill my days with what makes me feel alive. I have allowed my days to be filled with too much "I gotta get this done." Yeah, we all have that stuff that does not make us feel alive. HOWEVER, I can be more selective of how much I ALLOW of that over 24 hours.

2. Accept that I need more contemplative time every day for healthy soul care. There's a saying, "Fake it till you make it." Yeah, not when it comes to soul care.  Life is busy and this one is not gonna be easy. BUT, if I want good health for my soul, I will make the time.

3. I'm weary of Covid and I need to grieve and that's ok. I have spent some time truly grieving the loss of friends, family, the loss of missed opportunities and experiences for my kids, especially Sydney - the loss of community and even the loss of certain relationships because of their stance either way on a vaccine or a mask. My counselor said we have to grieve loss. You can't bury it and think you will just get over it one day. Nope. It was eating me from the inside out.  I have accepted God's grace and will continue to grieve along the way and that is ok. 

4. I'm still kicking. Celebrate that every day.Todd and I will celebrate our 30th Valentines Day together this year. I love Valentines Day!  Always have. We are still here and still together. We are still in ministry. We planted HHICC and we are still here. My kids are teenagers - one about to be an adult - they are still here and that's something everyone cannot say right now about their teens. I'm still getting up everyday and being faithful. Doing what God has called Todd and I to do together on HHI to lead the church He called us to plant in 2007. We are still raising these teens in a crazy world. I'm coming alongside my mom who is a widow now 5 years this March. She's still here. We are here for her. We are all here and that is something to celebrate every day. 

So no HUGE revelations...sorry to disappoint. It was a rest, reset, and reflect time...truly what I prayed it would it be. 

There are not enough words BIG enough to thank our Elders, our staff team, their families, and all the volunteers for this gift of time. They battled COVID among their own families, moving to new homes, and the loss of some of their own extended family members this month. Todd and I are so thankful and so blessed for their leadership and look forward to a "new normal" of these amazing leaders carrying on in many ways with what they have already proven they can do as leaders and as pastors at HHICC.

So I'm back! You can email and text me without an auto response! I am looking forward to leading worship on Sunday and being "at home." 

A prayer..."God, grant each of us the grace to have our perspectives 'tweaked' by you so that we can fully experience who you are and the life you have for us here and now. In Jesus' Name, Amen."

Will it fit in my bag?

It’s been awhile since I’ve been here, but with some nice time to reflect this week, I came back for a visit.

In my college years, I spent a lot of time in the health clinic with doctors trying to figure out why I couldn’t sleep and why I had internal bleeding for no reason. In fact, it was in the hospital getting x-rays that I truly saw Todd’s tender heart and care for me as we were dating. (Side note... we celebrate 25 years married in 2020!) Later in my late 20s, I was diagnosed with panic anxiety disorder and with a condition known as overstimulated adrenaline. Basically. my body makes so much adrenaline that if I don’t get rid of it daily, yeah...I’m kinda tough to be around & my body doesn’t know what to do with it.

Through the years, the doctors have told me this is a wonderful thing as I get older and I’ll be thankful for it. Yippee! 🤔 So as I faced being a victim of a car accident this year, part of my recovery was “Cynthia you just need to lie down a lot & you can’t do as much as you think.” As I share this with you today, I am happy to report that my weekly treatment has wrapped up and I’m returning back to life ”in moderation” as Dr. Ken says.

One of my favorite phrases from my dad was “Cynthia, don’t put a 10 pound turkey in a 5 pound bag.” Gotta love the south.  I’m not gonna blame it completely on my condition —(although it is confusing to me at times what my mind tells me I can do versus what I can actually do) but that’s what I do. The creative mind is a beautiful thing but the combination of that and too much adrenaline is why so many times I live a life of desperation trying to get out all the things in my mind I want to accomplish. This is not a pity party for me, but if you know creative people around you who are artists, give them a break. They probably have a lot they’re dealing with inside.

As the dawn of a new decade is here and 2020 begins, I’m starting it with a real picture of the size of MY bag. It’s been that size all along but I want to embrace it. Everybody has a different size bag because God made us all unique. (Psalm 139:14) But in 2020, if you see less output from me, I’m fine & I’m sorry if you are disappointed. If you think I’m not as involved as I used to be, that’s probably true. If you don’t see me as much, it’s all good. I’m here and I’m ok. 

”My strength is made perfect in your weakness, Cynthia.” These are the words I have clearly heard in my time with God this year. (2 Corinthians 12:9) I’m not weak because I have a smaller bag than I think. In identifying truly how God has uniquely made me and recognizing my own limitations within that, my “weakness” is how I am strong.

At the core of our Christian faith is living like Jesus & modeling his life and the way He lived. Jesus fully gave of himself to others but He also knew when he needed to pull away. He regularly got away from the crowds & even those closest to Him to be with His Father.  This is why we model a Sabbath lifestyle at our church with taking Fridays off as ministry staff. This has been vital in my life & I’m so thankful for it. But for me, it’s more than that.

I truly desire to serve & love people and be available. I love being a part of community with others and working hard to see amazing things happen! I love the local church and our HHI Community & being fully involved! However, this year I’m gonna ask a new question in 2020..”Will it fit in my bag, God?” 

“God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us. Glory to God in the church! Glory to God in the Messiah, in Jesus! Glory down all the generations! Glory through all millennia! Oh, yes!” - Ephesians‬ ‭3:20-21‬ ‭(The Message)

Bring it on 2020...my bag can take it. 👍

Worship Team Training Hangout Christmas Celebration

I was so  honored to join Branon Dempsey and Rich Kirkpatrick once again for a Hangout Christmas Celebration with our thoughts on 2015 and the year to come. I think we should have a practice session next time when we debut our instruments :-) That was fun! Enjoy!

 

Worship Team Hangout with Worship Team Training

It was a privilege to be a part of Worship Team Training hosting a Hangout with Branon Dempsey, Rich Kirkpatrick and myself. I love being able to talk about what God is doing at HHICC through our musical artists and how we are able to share their gifts within our community. I look forward to joining then again on Wednesdat, Dec 23rd!

Watch the hangout below or click here.

 

Re-tooling

I shared a couple of days ago on our HHICC blog about changes in my ministry life. Honestly, the last two years have been an intense time of soul-searching, frustration, reflection, and wondering, "What is up with me?"

I took a sabbatical in January 2013 fully expecting that at the end of that 5 weeks that God was going to release me from worship ministry. I was exhausted, depleted, felt old and tired, not effective...fill in the blank. To my surprise, he didn't release me. Instead, he "tweaked" my calling in a way that gave me a renewed passion.  He showed me how much I love process. He showed me how much I love every aspect of the worship experience on Sundays from video to lighting to music to the high schooler playing guitar to the message to the temperature of our room to the social media and web presence that brought people there for the first time. I had no idea how passionate I was about all that until that time. I have always led that effort for our team out of necessity but I had no idea how much that was "my thing."

I had the privilege of coordinating the  IF: LOCAL Gathering at our church in February and had scheduled a different team from our ministry to lead on Sunday since I knew I would be pretty exhausted. The IF: Gathering was a life-changing experience for me. That Sunday, as I worshipped NEXT to my husband (yeah, that never happens) in the congregation, I truly sensed the Holy Spirit saying, "You don't have to be up there every week anymore." I felt such a release from that part of my ministry immediately. Not because I initiated it. Because God said I was done.

I shared this with Todd and he has been so supportive about what God has been doing in my life in this area. For us personally, with the "unique" relationship we have as husband and wife and Lead Pastor and Worship Leader, he has seen how God has brought new people into our team to make this change a possibility. I'm not a clique person, but this has been so true. "God does not guide where He does not provide."

I am re-tooling. For many of our church family, they may not even notice a significant change. But for me, it is completely different in the way I am organizing my life, my time, my responsibilities, and my focus. I start in a couple of weeks leading a mentoring group of worship leaders in our church from age 16 to well...I will be sharing a lot of what we talk about here at cheval glass. 

Philippians 1:6 says ,"And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." (ESV)  So here's to the "new" good work ahead and learning how to use these different tools in my toolbox.

It's time, women

Being a women in ministry for the past...oK...many years... twenty something...has been a privilege and yet a lonely experience. Granted, I have enjoyed being a part of the "early days" of women who were hired at the executive level of churches. Honestly. Had it not been for certain male leaders who were not afraid to let "a woman" lead, I would not be where I am today. You know who you are :-)

I've been praying for our church (and for me) to have an awakening to the importance of community among women around the principles of God's Word, our value to God as women, and living life with all the hats we wear. I have great expectation about the future and movements that are getting traction in our world for women like me and women who are in need of community (like me!)

There are two movements that I am excited to get connected and be a part of in 2015! I call them movements because they are driven by a COMMUNITY of women and not just one person (I love that!)

IF:Gathering

We are now an IF: Local chapter and will be partnering with ALL aspects of the IF movement at HHICC. We are a LOCAL gathering for the IF:Gathering event on Friday-Saturday, February 6-7. If you live in the HHI area, please join us! Register here.

Propel Women

This is launching TODAY at my Alma Mater with a week of activies. If you are a woman in leadership, get connected to this on Facebook, Twitter, and their magazine. Can't wait to see what happens with this! Excited to see how this will impact the NEXT generation of women (including my daughter).

It's time, women...let's go!

Reset

  Driftwood Beach - Jekyll Island, GA

If I had one word to describe what my 30-day sabbatical was for me, that's the word. In every area of my life, I feel that I have a "inner button" switched from where I was before my time away and where I am now.  I truly went into this time with no expectation. As a highly-driven person, I probably had more fear than anything heading into 30 days of no responsibilities.  Everything I did for that time was from my heart - a true desire to do it. Whether it was sitting in a lounge chair somewhere in the Carribean or sitting with my son after school to help him read...I did what I enjoyed doing. 

The interesting thing is that I wasn't sure what I enjoyed doing in ministry and in a lot of areas of my life before my sabbatical.  I couldn't separate what I was responsble for from what I really loved doing.  I found myself just bursting with new songs I wanted to share, some I had written, and others that I was worshipping with alone. I started to "feel" again. I think I had become numb to a lot of the day-to-day of my life.  I didn't realize how far I had gone down that road.

As I mentioned in my previous blog, the power of sleep can never be underestimated. For the most part, I've been consistently going to bed around the same time and waking up around the same time. My new mantra my first week back has been,"Cynthia, that's enough for today." I feel like I'm treating myself like my own kids sometimes, but I have alot of unhealthy margins to correct.

Spiritually, I'm so thankful for the large amounts of time that I had alone with God.  I filled the pages of my sabbatical journal and I practiced what Lance Witt refers to as "spiritual loitering." I spent alot of time wasting time with God and being quiet.  I know that is why my songwriting was so rich and plentiful during my sabbatical.

Before my sabbatical, I had become disconnected to some of my life-long friends. I made plans with almost everyone of them either in person or phone during my 30-days. I am so thankful for the love, grace, and prayers they poured over me and the encouragement they were to me during this time. You know who you are...thank you for being fresh water to my soul.

I wasn't sure if I would be coming back to ministry after this time way.  My exhaustion level was at my core.  I laid everything on the line with God and told Him that if I needed to be done, I was fine with that. Twenty years is a long time and if my season was done, I was willing to be done. I was pleasantly suprised.  Not only did God clearly reveal to me in my time with Him that I am NOT done, He renewed my heart and passion for His people in the local church.  He refined my calling as I begin this next season of ministry. For the first time in a LONG time, I have a more clear understanding of how my days should be spent as a pastor's wife and a Worship Arts Director.

  There were also some areas in my life that I realized were not as "jumbled" as I thought they were. Having a clear head helped me to see what was going well in my life and celebrate that!   Our family vacation on a Disney Cruise just put a BIG exclamation point on my time away. Since we were not able to have a fmaily vacation in 2012 (it was scheduled for the week we moved into our new facility!), it was a wonderful treat to spend that time with them. Todd and I had great conversations during my sabbatical and we sense a true refreshment in our marriage and in our family.

I sensed anxiety and worry trying to creep in this week as I returned to normal life and then it as if the Holy Spirit just speaks to me and says, "No, we aren't going there." and it passes before it has a hold on me.  I know there will be days when it wins. I'm celebrating it didn't this week!

I couldn't get this song out of my head during my time away. I think it became my heart's cry and how I want to move forward in my life...

"I need you more...more than yesterday / I need you more...more than words can say / I need you more...than ever before/ I need you more...I need you, Lord/ More than the air I breathe/ More than the song I sing/ More than the next heartbeat/ More than anything/ And Lord, as time goes by/I will be by Your side/ 'Cause I never want to go back to my old life." Written by Bruce Haynes and Lindell Cooley ©1996 CCLI #2061678

It's the last line of that song that I think has just stuck with me. That's what reset means. And that's what I'm leaning into each day. 

a new chapter

My silence the last month here at cheval glass is not reflective of a boring summer...to say the least. The last couple of months have been filled with chapters closing, new ones opening, and great opportunities for the future.

Our Lead Pastor, Jeff Cranston, and our Elders came to a unanimous decision with Todd's support about the future of the Hilton Head Island Campus. After the growth of the last four years, our financial stability on our own since May 2010, and the amazing Miracle Offering that was given in May from our Campus toward our new facility, it was announced that the Island Campus where Todd and I have been serving the past four years will become its own independent church on Sunday, September 11, 2011. I have been serving as the Worship Arts Director over both of our campuses - Bluffton and Hilton Head Island - for the past 18 months. With this transition, I will be returning to the Island and overseeing Environments and serving as the Worship Leader for the new church, Hilton Head Island Community Church.

CLICK HERE to read the amazing letter from Pastor Jeff and to hear Todd's announcement. They did such an incredible job sharing this with our church!

This morning, Todd and I led the service at our Bluffton Campus and were able to share with our "mother" congregation about the transition and to express our gratitude for their prayers, support, encouragement, and generosity these past four years.  I have loved getting to know our Bluffton Worship Arts Team over the past 18 months and they have been such a blessing to me this past year, especially in establishing our Worship Community - a.k.a. - Worship choir.  Eric Abney, who I hired in March to work alongside me, has become the new Worship Arts Director at LCC and I know he will do an AMAZING job in this role. We will continue to share resources between our teams as sister churches and we have linked our PCO accounts so we can share volunteers and resources more easily. Eric and I will also rotate leading worship between our churches periodically.

I look forward to sharing here at cheval glass about our journey in this new chapter as we see what God has for us. We are going to change the tone of 9-11 this year...it's going to be about celebrating a new day and new opportunities for the Kingdom of God on Hilton Head Island...here we go!

What I've learned from Fasting

We completed 40 days of prayer and fasting as a church on Easter Sunday. Todd and I decided to do the Daniel Fast for 21 days of that time. I had never done a structured fast like this before. I knew doing it together with Todd would help me with accountability, but I was so afraid I wouldn't be able to stick with it. Here's what I learned:

I never thought I had a food issue till I started fasting. I was shocked at how much I would think of eating or drinking something in response to a circumstance or as a diversion.

I've learned to view food as something I need and not as a hobby. I grew up in the Deep South. Food is a way of life. When you are eating lunch, you are talking about what you are having for dinner. It's just the way it is.

Our family ate more meals together and enjoyed grocery shopping like never before. Todd is an amazing cook. He loves to cook and experiment with recipes. I can cook, but it is not something that I enjoy like Todd does. It was fun to plan meals together and shop and really talk about what we were going to eat each week. My favorite thing was his sweet potato fries. The book has amazing recipes and Todd did some "tweaking" on his own!

I learned to replace my thoughts for food with prayer.  When I would had those moments of really "wanting" something in the first week, I would turn my thoughts to God. After a week on the fast, my cravings for things not on the fast went away almost 90 percent. I began to not think about food in relation to my day and I had so much more "thought energy" to focus on God and my priorities.

It brought Todd and I closer to each other. We spent more time together and encouraged each other throughout the day. Doing this together gave us the opportunity to share what we were learning through it and prompted great converstation that I don't think would have happened without the fast.

We were able to teach our kids about fasting. We had the kids do the fast with us without some of the rigidness of no dairy. However, we did eliminate sweets and we cooked the same meal at night for them that we ate. It was a great learning experience for our family.

I'm going to make parts of it a lifestyle now. I made choices as best as I could on the fast in every environment.  Not everything I had was "perfectly" in line with the fast, but I did the best I could. The Daniel Fast is not about legalism and following rules. It's about learning how to eat, making good choices, and focusing on God. I saw how I could live my life better, feel better, and have so much more of a focused lifestyle. I don't want to go back to my old way of eating and thinking about food. It changed my life and the way I think about food forever.

That's not to say I'm never going to have a cookie, candy, or dessert ever again. I just want to have the right perspective moving forward that I learned from this period of fasting.

This was a life-changing experience for me. I naturally lost some weight which was a nice bi-product, but it was never about weight loss for me. It was about surrender. It was about being willing to do something totally different in response to my desire to seek God.  If you have never tried a fast, I would encourage you to do this one. Do it with a friend or a spouse. Be ready for your eyes to be opened to new things about yourself and new truths that God will be able to speak into your life. Spiritually, it was the best thing I have done to deepen my walk with God.

Reflections from #unleash11

This was my third time attending Unleash and in my opinion, it was the best! I was able to take my WAM Staff with me and we had an unbelieveable 48 hours together - dreaming, sharing, and getting to know one another. Here were some highlights:

Five things to get our vision right - Perry Noble - from Matthew 25

1. We must make Jesus the END GOAL of all that we do.

2. We must be more concerned with the outsider than the insider.

My favorite statement of the day... 

"We must not organize ourselves around the preferences of the already convinced."

3. We must help people establish a new identity.

4. We must be patient with people.

5. We must make it our mission to proclaim freedom in Jesus Christ.

1 Samuel  14 - Every leader faces fear - Perry Noble

I loved this story of Jonathan and his armor bearer from 1 Sam 14:1-23. Go read it here. Perry started with John 14:12 and Christ's promise that we would do "greater things." He gave three stages of a leader being able to do greater things:

1.Preparation - vv. 1-4 -God has not called us to play it safe.

2. "Perhaps" - v.6- Perry said that everytime he reads the Bible, he sees that it is perfectly normal to not know what happens next. As Jonathan said, "Perhaps the Lord will act on our behalf..."

3. Partnershp - v.7 -You can always submit to godly authority and trust God for the outcome. As Jonathan's armor bearer said "Do all that you have in mind,” his armor-bearer said. “Go ahead; I am with you heart and soul."

Other thoughts...

Shane Duffey - Creative Arts Pastor - In his breakout session, I love what he said about creativity...

"We must be committed to process and product but married to the vision."

The worship was terrific...Lee and the team led with such authenticity and energy. I was so encouraged! It is such a treat to be led in worship. I just took it all in!

Thanks to ALL the team at NewSpring for their fabulous volunteers and a great day of encouragement!