This is 50.

I know it's just a number but WOW! Here we are. No filter on that pic. That's all me - lifelines and all! I just couldn't let a big one like this go by without sharing here on Cheval Glass. I've been gone from here for awhile (yeah,  I gotta work on that) but here are some of my reflections at ...whew...I've never typed it out...at 50! Here we go.

So much of my 20's through 40's was exploration - Nine moves and five different cities. My 20's felt like a patch-work quilt. Todd and I found "our people" all along the way and I'm so thankful for those friendships through church small groups, our work lives, and community connections. Many of those people are still a part of our lives. You know who you are. I love you.

People would say to us that we "waited" to start our family in our 30's, but Todd and I became a family THE DAY we were married. We grew up together in our 20's. I was diagnosed with panic anxiety disorder in my late 20's & got professional help. I changed a lot of my lifestyle and my eating habits. It was a challenging time, but I am so glad I hit it head on. We traveled quite a bit internationally on missions trips and personally in our 20's. I spent a lot of time songwriting and producing/playing in the studio. Most importantly, I had a massive crisis of faith most of my 20's which means I was questioning EVERYTHING about God, faith and the church and worked through quite a bit of that in my 20's.

We thought we would live in Atlanta forever when we moved there in 1997, but God had different plans. We sold our cars, our beautiful new home and most everything in it and moved with our 15 month old daughter to the Upper West Side of NYC in 2005 to help our friends, Carmen and Aaron Coe plant The Gallery Church. We used to laugh that we lived a pretty stationary life for 8 years and then all the sudden we started having children and started moving all the time. God truly has a sense of humor.

We had a miscarriage in NYC between our children and that was a dark time for me as it is for any woman who goes through it. I know there is another Cullen I will meet in Heaven one day. NYC took us to HHI in 2007 with now our almost 3 year old and 6 week old son to plant Hilton Head Island Community Church.  Now, 16 years later, I would never have dreamed that this is where I would be at 50. 

I never imagined that sorrow and joy could co-exist. I look back on my life at this point and realize how much they have both been there all along the journey... hand in hand. Leaving our extended family, our home church, and my best friend in ATL to meeting new friends in NYC that have become life-long friends as well. Leaving NYC to move to HHI (Yeah I didn't want to move here!) to "returning" there now with our college girl now in the city. Losing my dad to cancer at 67, but now seeing my mom thrive in her 2nd act. Watching our kids grow up too fast and yet so happy about who they have become.

I never thought I would enjoy living on HHI like I do. I thought this was the place that musicians, artists, & an artistic community go to die! I was SO wrong. My first friends were great musicians... Andy Pitts, Dean St. Hillaire, Randy Looman, & Dave Masteller...still are great musicians and good friends. Since then, I have gotten involved in our arts community with ISCA, HHDT,  The Junior Jazz Foundation, and the community theater world when I can. I'm so thankful for my "artsy" friends and our artistic community. Now, I have a dancer daughter and son who is an aspiring jazz drummer because of the incredible artistic community here. Words do not adequately express my thankfulness for this community and their mentors in their lives.

I never thought it would be so hard to be married and raise kids. I shared a few weeks ago in our services on Mother's Day about spiritual warfare and how it is real and how if I didn't know it existed, Todd and I might not still be married. I meant that. We just celebrated 28 years by God's grace. Life is hard, being pastors is 24/7, and raising kids is not for the faint of heart as many of you know. I am so thankful today for Todd, our church family, and Sydney and Sean.

I have never breathed "thank you, God" as much as I do now. Every day is a gift. Every moment with my kids and with Todd. I slow down a lot more now. I say " I'll do that tomorrow" a lot more. I pray more throughout the day, constantly praying for my friends, our community, our world, and whatever God brings to my mind. I wake up and begin thanking God for rest, the home I live in, and the people He has blessed me with...family, friends, and our faith community. I am so thankful for the friends that God has blessed with me to do life with here on the Island. I'm thankful for the extended friends through social media I have made and the ability to stay connected to my extended family.

So I celebrate life itself today. All the parts of the journey and yea, this feels weird to think I'm 50, but I am so thankful. I will keep saying that to God in my breath prayers and whatever the next 50 hold, I will always say God is good. He is faithful when I am not. He always provides even when I don't manage what we have well. He knows what's best even when I get frustrated with circumstances. His mercy and grace are there each morning for me to receive. He's got it and He always has had it and He always will.

"For the Lord is always good. He is always loving and kind, and his faithfulness goes on and on to each succeeding generation." - Psalm 100:5

Sunday Recap - Roots of Freedom

Holiday Sundays can be a challenge to creatively offer something different every year. However, they are great opportunities to do something different and to connect with people that might not normally attend a worship service. On the Island, holiday weekends can be some of our largest attended services because family and friends are visiting and we do get vacationers who are looking for a worship experience on their vacation. Today was no different. We had one of our largest attendance Sundays at the Island Campus - 239 people.

Todd's message was entitled "Roots of Freedom." He shared about the spiritual roots of many (specifically three) statements in the Declaration of Independence. He talked about the civil freedom as well as the spiritual freedom that our forefathers were seeking through the Great Awakening which led to the American Revolution. On a personal note, it was cool to see my husband's Pre-Law undergrad degree come out in a Sermon!

I love doing familiar songs on holiday weekends. I don't know the background of everyone in the room, but for a vacationer or someone bringing a family member or friend to "their church", I want the experience to have moments where we can sing out! I also love to do something brand new as well as something familiar but with a twist. Ok...it sounds like mixing drinks. Let's move on - here was the setlist...

"Salvation is Here"

"Everlasting God"

Welcome/Anouncements/Greet

"God Bless America" (my arrangement)

VIDEO BUMPER: FREE ( This is one of my ALL TIME FAVORITE from sermonspice.com.)

Message

"Praise the Father, Praise the Son" - (The final point of Todd's message is the we should worship the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost as FREE people - no holding back. We have the freedom to worship - let's do it!)

Closing Remarks/Wrap

"Chosen Generation" - (This worked great as a closer - I had never thought of using this in regard to our freedom as Americans and as Christ-followers. It was awesome!)

I have been programming pads, organ, and some keys in Ableton the last few months and playing acoustic or electric live. This has been working REALLY well in our services. I only had three musicians this week (including me) and three singers and it was a great sound! Deb and Daniel Cort sang with me and they ALWAYS bring such beatiful artistry to our worship.

It's good to be back with the Sunday Setlist Carnival. Check out more recaps here.

Happy Birthday, America!

Something Amazing

Watch this clip from one of our favorite family movies, The Incredibles.

 

There is something inside of that desires to break out of the predictable, mundane, and planned part of our existence. We long for an unexpected windfall, a suprise, even a miracle. Francis Chan, in his book Forgotten God, says this about miracles...

"Miracles are never an end in themselves;they are always a means to point to and accomplish something greater."

That is what we want...to be a part of something amazing...to say we were there when"it" happened...to play a part in something greater than ourselves and our time...to leave a legacy.

Church planting is miracle territory. As think back over the last four years that Todd and I have been on Hilton Head Island, there have been a lot of miracles...experiences and situations that fit all of those things I mentioned.  However, this Sunday at the Island Campus, we are stepping into some major miracle territory. I do not want to diminish any of the amazing things that God has done over the last four years - they are all miracles! From locating our first temporary facility to finding our first permanent facility to where we are today...embarking on purchasing our first permanent facility. These are just examples in one category!

There are the people miracles...changed lives...people who were far from God who are now in a daily relationship with Him...these are miracles.

There are personal miracles in the life of my family... a brother-in-law who is cancer free, the ability to purchase a home for our family on the Island, and financial recovery from some tough days in our past.

I long for the miraculous. I desire to see the unpredictable and the unplanned happen. I am an organized person  in my job and with my family life because it is out of necessity (trust me!). However, I feel the most alive when the unexplained becomes reality -when common sense says, "That's impossible."

Mothers are required to be realists (I think it's in a handbook somewhere.) It's my job in our home to be "the dose of reality" when it comes to our family schedule, chores, budget...you get the picture. I think it is because of that role that I play in our family, that I long for any opportunity to dream and say "Wouldn't it be great if..."  That is what I love about church planting. Yes, you have to have a dose of reality in the mix, but for the most part, this is ALL unchartered territory! You can't put a formula to every part and in fact, I think God probably gets a chuckle at all our stats, strategies, and formulas for church planting!

Maybe this whole idea of wanting something amazing paralyzes you as a person. You are ok without being a part of miracles. Maybe you have never seen one and so you don't understand what all the buzz is all about. Maybe you have seen a miracle, but you have forgotten what it felt like to experience it.  Are you afraid to dream because "God might not come through?" Read this quote from Forgotten God...

"I think the fear of God failing us leads us to "cover for God." This means we ask for less, expect less, and are satisfied with less because we are afraid to ask for or expect more. We even convince ourselves that we don't want more - that we have all the "God" we need or could want." - Francis Chan, Forgotten God, pg. 47

I want to see more, be a part of more, experience more, and be blown away by the Creator God who by very definition is creative...unpredictable, original...and wants to do something amazing in me and through me.

"I don't think the way you think. The way you work isn't the way I work." God's Decree."For as the sky soars high above earth, so the way I work surpasses the way you work, and the way I think is beyond the way you think . Just as rain and snow descend from the skies and don't go back until they've watered the earth, doing their work of making things grow and blossom, producing seed for farmers and food for the hungry, So will the words that come out of my mouth not come back empty-handed.They'll do the work I sent them to do, they'll complete the assignment I gave them. "So you'll go out in joy, you'll be led into a whole and complete life. The mountains and hills will lead the parade, bursting with song.  All the trees of the forest will join the procession, exuberant with applause. No more thistles, but giant sequoias, no more thornbushes, but stately pines—Monuments to me, to God, living and lasting evidence of God." - Isaiah 55:8-13 (MSG)

Did you miss me?

One of my friends asked me a couple of weeks ago if I still lived on the Island (lol, Cassie!) Yes, I have been away from cheval glass and everyday life quite a bit the past few weeks. I have embarked on a new adventure...working on both sides of the bridge. Yes, I spend part of my working week in Bluffton and the other part on the Island. I'm serving at both campuses of LCC now working with Programming for services and communication. It's been a great experience to meet so many wonderful LCC people at the Bluffton Campus that I have never met since I have been serving exclusively at the Hilton Head Island Campus the past two and a half years. As a family, we are adjusting to mom being at both campuses. My only fear is that I will end up at the wrong one on a Sunday. As Sydney says ,"Are we going to the big church or the little church?" You figure it out :)

While there is more than normal on my plate for the moment as I transition, I am so excited about the new musicians, tech people, and creatives I have most recently met that want to jump in and get involved. As I talk with Pastor Jeff and Pastor Todd about Easter and upcoming Message Series', I cannot help but get SO PUMPED about the direction that we are headed as a church and what God is doing in the lives of our staff and our LCC family. I see God revealing Himself to me and working in my life in new and fresh ways...this is the answer to one of my most earnest prayers during this Lent Season. So even though I've been a little silent here, I have been learning, growing, and connecting with God in a huge way in these past few weeks. Yeah, I'm tired, but it's a GOOD tired and it feels really good to be back here at cheval glass. I'm ready...

HHI Campus                Bluffton Campus

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I can't win sometimes

There are some things as a parent that I have found are non-negotiable when it comes to my kids. Granted, I have only been a parent for 5 years, but I have learned to listen to what my kids ask me to be a part of in their lives. On Tuesday of this week, Sydney mentioned that one of the moms of one of her classmates had lunch with them. Todd and I have done this once before. But Sydney doesn't usually ask us to come to stuff. But this time, she said, "Mom, will you come have lunch with me at school?" I was thrilled. So, I planned to pick up McDonald's and bring it to her during her VERY early lunch time from 10:30 - 11:00.  Sydney is a child that has to prepared for the schedule to change. So, I told her that I would be a little late, but that I would be there.

Now, we ALL know that McDonald's starts serving lunch at 10:30. They have done this since I was child. So I was sitting in the parking lot at 10:25...waiting. At 10:30 on the nose, I pulled into the drive thru and began ordering my Happy Meals. The lady replied, "I'm sorry, Ma'am...we don't serve lunch till 11." OK...now I panic. Syd has no lunch and we do not have a wide variety of fast food on the Island. I whip over to Burger King...order the meals...and they proceed to tell me that the fries are going to be awhile. They were still pealing potatoes :) 10:40 now...

I finally get there at 10:45. Sydney is in tears. She says ," I thought you forgot and were sitting at home." We try to eat, but she is so stressed out because she knows that lunch is almost over (again, she is VERY conscious of time!) We woof down our food and the bell rings. I walk her back to class. I ask her, "Are you mad at mommy?" She says,"No...it's alright." with a very disappointed look.

I know...the reward is in the trying, but man, I felt like a loser! Note to self...PACK A LUNCH to have at school with your child. Second note to self...call the Corporate offices of McDonalds and tell them they have a rogue restaurant that is messing up people's lives!

Anybody else feel like they can't win sometimes?

Facebook or being with faces

 

No one can argue the culture-changing effect of social networking because of facebook. Company stats reveal that there are 350 million users and that 50 percent of them log in on any given day. My multi-class high school reunion in October would never had occurred without facebook. Needless to say, there was less "surprise" since most of us saw everybody' profile pic before we arrived. I have re-connected with so many people in the last 2 years since I joined facebook. I have been able to pray for some of my friends who have been going through some serious stuff that I would have never known without facebook. I have seen people engage with other people spiritually that I don't think would have happened without the tool of facebook. But, as I expressed in a previous blog, the more connection I have in the virtual world, the more I sense the need to unplug from it.

I spent most of yesterday communicating to two groups of people that I am doing life with on the Island...my small group that meets each week and my womens' mentoring group that will meet once a month for 2010. I was so energized by the expectancy of connecting with them this year.  I woke up this morning with such a deep sense of connection to those around me, to my community, and to God. I love blogging, texting, reading blogs, and technology. I have connected with some amazing people in Worship Arts because of twitter and being a blogger.  People I would have never met without it.  But I think I was really surprised to see the emotional difference that I felt about these people - flesh and blood that I interact with on a regular basis -  versus connecting with my friends on facebook, twitter, and through blogging.

 Stats tell us that my age group (35-54...no comments,please...I'm on the low-end of this bracket!)) represents 30 percent of the user database of facebook. We are the largest demographic on facebook (4 percent higher than 18-24). So, I'm processing that...is my demographic replacing flesh and blood relationships with facebook friends? Are we doing both?

So where are you? Are you energized by connecting on facebook more than being with faces? Are you like me and are more energized about interacting with flesh and blood? Do neither have any impact on you? I would LOVE to hear your thoughts. Please leave a comment below.

Evening in December Recap - Hear a sample!

Our First Annual Evening in December Concert and Dessert was on Sunday night. I have been overwhelmed at the response from those that attended and from my team that pulled it off. I have dreamed of doing something like this for over a year at our Hilton Head Campus, and then I planned it for this year, but in my wildest dreams, I never imagined what happened. I say in my blog bio that I'm a wanna-be movie score composer because I love arranging and pulling off unique musical events ( my inner "David Foster!)

We did record it and it will be available NEXT YEAR for purchase. We just can't turn it around in 2 weeks (design, licenses...) and it be done right, so for those who have been asking...next year! And we WILL be adding shows so more can come.

We raised over our goal for Woodhaven Apartments and have brought more attention to the needs there as a result of this concert. Thank you so much to all of you who have e-mailed, called, text, or spoken to us about the concert. We are so thankful that you enjoyed it and we can't wait till next year!

Here's a little sample of the night for those of you who missed it...

CHRISTMAS CONCERT

Settled

Todd has used this word a lot in the last few months. I'm not a huge fan of this word and I am not sure really what it means. I have used this word before and everything opposite of this word started to unfold in my life.  This is the last word I would use to describe my life pretty much since 2003. Don't get me wrong...These last 6 years have ROCKED! So much adventure, change, out-on-the-ledge living...no regrets AT ALL. But I'm starting to realize that I have entered a different season of life now. Sydney starts Kindergarten in August...our church campus is 2 years old...Sean is no longer a baby...and we bought a house in a horrible economy (we got a GREAT deal!) So, there it is...I put it out there. No guarantees that it will apply to our lives for very long, and honestly, I'm cool if it doesn't :)

two weeks

I have been in somewhat of a "fog" the last 2 weeks as we spent one week packing and this past week moving. I looked at Todd at some point this week and said, "Honestly, if there was a gun to my head right now, I could not tell you what day it is." We are SO happy to be in our new home..pics to come! So , here is what happened around the Cullen house the last two weeks...

• Sydney finished preschool...she is officially a Kindergartener...say that 30 times really fast! She is headed to HHCA in August.
• Todd and I celebrated our 14th Anniversary on June 3rd. For those who know us REALLY well, we can all say that Todd deserved a big kudos for that!
• My Worship Arts Intern, Emily Wolffe, from my Alma Mater, Liberty University, started this week. Her 1st task? Painting Sean's bedroom last Friday night! She is an awesome woman, gifted musician, and a REAL servant to put up with our move being right smack in the middle of her 1st week on Hilton Head! We are going to have an awesome summer!
• Ellie Lancaster was in Hilton Head this week and we had the chance to reconnect. We have known each other for about 9 years from NorthStar and most recently we were original staff members of The Gallery Church in NYC. We love you, Elle!
•   Sydney turned 5 years old today. She is such a big girl and just a joy to our lives. I would think after 5 years of being a parent I would have more of a clue? NOT! We celebrated with some of Sydney's close friends and our friends as well at the Yacht Club (My b-day is tomorrow.) Yes, it was a much deserved treat...sitting around the pool and they fixed the food!
• We love our new home. We feel SO blessed that God has given this to us. Our friends, the Krupas, from ATL were able to move into our rental house. God just worked the whole thing out! Now the fun begins...painting, pictures, and giving this place "our touch."

Hope you had a great two weeks...looking forward to being back in the blogosphere this week!

I can't help but smile :)

As a leader of artists in my church, I deeply desire that all of us pursue a fully devoted life to Jesus Christ.  We all love our music, art, and creative outlets, but IS our desire toward God first and foremost and serving others? We have great conversation about God and our spiritual journey (I love having multiple services because of the "chat" time) but are we "working it out?"  God has been answering me very specifically that my "job" is to model it, talk about it, pray for them to do it, and give HUGE kudos when I see is happening. My cellist, Rob Rechey, is a Senior in High School.  In the last 2 years, God has done some really cool things in his life (through the ministry of our AMAZING High School pastor, Rob Jacobs) and by being a part of our worship team.   He is leaving in 2 months to return to Mexico and attend college (his parents live here.) Rob showed up at 9 AM this morning to translate all our announcements into Spanish today for our Easter Egg Hunt.  I just wanted to give him the biggest bear hug when I saw him today. He was simply serving. I can't help but smile :) and I know My Father is smiling, too.

Harmony

"Harmony Scroll" by Jane Bellows

In a recent blog, I talked about this being the new focus of my life. With that, God has shown me some very personal things lately that have made this concept VERY real to me. This is something SO POWERFUL that He is teaching me about my life right now and I feel His leading to share it with others. With God's direction, I am praying through leading a community group for women on the Island that explores this concept of life and how God's Word gives us great instruction on doing it. The group will simply be called "Harmony" and that is as far as God has given me direction. Please pray with me about what this looks like and pieces of the puzzle coming together for this.

What does harmony look like to you?