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Family Fridays...SAY YES!

Today, I'm kicking off a new series here at Cheval Glass. There are so many challenges facing ministry leaders and none greater than raising children. Family Fridays will discuss our personal struggles, victories, and best practices. Please dialogue here with me and share your insights on family issues as it relates to being ministry leaders.

I feel like I say "NO" a lot as a parent. It really bugs me. I provide the structure and schedule for our family as a lot of moms do and the creative in me gets REALLY tired of having to always be the margin and boundary policeman for the Cullens!

Todd and I have Fridays off since our Sundays are so long.  We try to keep this day as free from routine and a schedule as possible so that we can just take a breath and truly have a Sabaath experience. So with my issues with saying "No" so much, I started a thing called "Say Yes Fridays." I make a conscious attempt to "say yes" to as much as I can on Fridays.  Being that my kids are seven and a half and almost five, they have not quite "caught-on" to this.  I don't make a big deal that it's "Say Yes Friday." I just have made a mental decision to do this on specific Fridays.

For example, I am headed to pick Sydney up from school very soon. It she gets in the car and asks me," Mom, can we get a Starbucks hot chocolcate?." My answer wil be YES! If Sean asks me for another cookie after he has already had two, I'm going to say YES!  This has made me feel so much more effective as parent to give myself permission to do this.

What is something that you do to give yourself permission to say yes? What is something you do to create "yes" moments as a parent?

It's not about us

I'm reading "Teaching Kids Authentic Worship" by Kathleen Chapman and I couldn't wait to do a book review on this.  There are WAY too many nuggets as I am reading that I have to share!

She talks in the first couple of chapters about how the post modern world is "indoctrinating our children into believing everything is about them." As a parent, I confess that there are times that I contribute to this problem. In my attempt as a parent to "connect" to my children with their unique personalities and passions, I go overboard at times. It's very important to be in tune with our kids, but at the same time, we have to help them understand that the entire world does not revolve around their happiness, life being fair, or getting everything they desire.

In context to worship, we have to teach our kids that worship is about God and not about them. "Worship is one-directional. Worship is focusing on God and giving all glory to Him only, alone, singulary, totally - just Him," she writes. Even as an adult, there are time that I forget that when I worship, I am focusing my heart and mind on God and Him alone...not what I need or want...just Him. To really teach our kids to worship God, it has to start with them understanding it is not about them.

Kathleen quotes Ken Hughes, Senior Pastor at College Church in Wheaton, Illinois saying...

"The unspoken but increasingly common assumption of today's Christendom is that worship is primarily for us - to meet our needs. Such worship services are entertainment-focused, and the worshipers are uncommitted spectators who silently grade the performance...Taken to the nth degree,this instills a tragic self-centerdness."

Wow. That hit me. How many times do we do this? We rate our corporate worship experience on how much WE liked the worship leader, the song choices, the message...the stuff. Our kids are listening and learning what worship is by the way we talk about it. Are we teaching them that we worship because worship is really about them? or about God?

More to come...

Leave it to Pixar

They can't make a bad movie. Even if you don't love them all, none of them come close to even being a bad movie. Toy Story came out the year I was married.  I remember seeing it with my family in Florida where we lived at the time. I've seen everyone of them, but nothing was as special as seeing Toy Story 3 with BOTH of my kids. Sean is finally old enough to sit through a two-hour movie and actually stay with it (as long as there is plenty of popcorn, candy, and drink flowing!) We watched Toy Story 1 & 2 all week in anticipation for going to see it today, As they clung to their Buzz Lightyear and Jessie Cowgirl action figures (recent purchases from Walmart), they watched with wide eyes and laughed all the way through.

SPOILER ALERT!  Mom and Dad, on the other hand, were not always laughing (although "Ken"-voiced by Michael Keaton-was my favorite character-he was awesome!) I could have done without the ending. As Todd and I quietly sniffled through Andy's mom looking at his boxed up room and as Andy said goodbye to his toys, they got us. They made the grownups cry like babies.

We were not home five minutes and Sydney and Sean had assembled baby dolls, stuffed animals, trains, and other of their toys in the living room. They started acting out their own stories with them. I just sat and watched.

I read EW and I hardly ever agree with the reviews they do on movies. However, Owen Gleiberman did a great piece on Toy Story 3 about how HE cried during the movie. I loved the last paragraph of his article...

"...the spirit of imagination hasn't gone out of our world - it's there every time a child picks up an inanimate object of fun and sees, feels, experiences the hidden life in it...It says that they-and we-are going to be okay. As long as we remember that our inner child isn't what we're told, but what we invent."   - Owen Gleiberman, EW, 7.2.10 - pg. 24

I hate picking up toys...I really do. But Owen is right. The ability to play and invent is a priceless value. So, I'm going to be a little less frustrated when I see the towns and cities my kids have built all over the house and enjoy the invention of their creativity and imaginations a whole lot more than I do.

We've only just begun

I thought I would have kids one day, but the longer I was married and the more I enjoyed doing all I was doing, I thought," Maybe that's not for me." So I lived my life and enjoyed all the wonderful musical things that I was able to do.  And then it happened on a day in September. I was doing my normal "power walk" up and down the hills of Bentwater in North Atlanta and it hit me. I wanted to share my love and passion for the arts with more than just those I minister with and to each week. I wanted a part of me to experience it. I wanted to have a child and share every bit of my life with them.I wanted to play a part, but not THE part.

So, Sydney comes into my life and we have enjoyed her first 5 years to the max. Our almost 2 years in NYC allowed us to do SO many artistic things together at museum and preschool music classes. It was amazing. But now, school fills her days. And I make every effort to weave arts and music into her life as much as I can. Sydney decided this fall to start playing the piano. Since she has started to read in school, it all clicked for her.  I can't tell you the joy of being able to sit and play the duet part on Christmas songs with her. Probably just like my mom felt when she did it with me!

Sydney joined The Hilton Head Dance School this year after having two great years at Bluffton School of Dance. We made the move for several reasons, but mainly because of Sydney's love of ballet. Every year for the past 24 years, The Hilton Head Dance Theatre has presented The Nutcracker on Hilton Head Island. It is in every way, an Island tradition. The 5 yr-old classes were cooks. Yes, Sydney was thrilled since that it was she has told us 2 years ago that she wants to be when she grows up (Todd is already planning to open a restaurant with her one day!) I was the class mom for one of the two performances that she was in last week. Todd and I attended the other one. For three hours, I helped corral 10 five year-olds to be ready for their 5 minutes in the show. Now, you may be thinking, "All of that for 5 minutes?"  The entire process is what is important. Getting dressed, make-up, hair, getting into character, getting your props (she has a spoon!), the excitement of being around great dancers of all ages, and then having that moment to be out there. Sydney came alive. Her smile was non-stop even when she was so tired in the green room waiting for the curtain call. I was merely a spectator that night - adjusting costumes and saying "SHHHH" a thousand times when we were back stage. But for me, I got so much more joy out of watching Sydney be an artist in her own 5-year old way than any gig I've played, song I have sung, or song I have written.

We took her to dinner at Eastern Restuarant.  Her choice...she wanted fried rice. We all got dressed up. Sydney asked Todd to wear a tie so he would be "handsome." Sydney's ballet teacher, Katie Girardi, was also having dinner at Eastern with Karena and John Carlyle, the founders of the Dance School, and others. We walked over to say hello and everyone at the table made Sydney feel as if the night was entirely for her. Katie has been so patient with Sydney as she had a few tough classes in the beginning of the year. The gratitude that I felt in that moment toward these fellow artists and how they were encouraging my daughter - more than words can express.

Sydney did great once again as we watched from the audience. Her daddy met her at the stage door after she had changed with 12 beautiful pink roses. The show closed the next day for this year, but the greatest part for me? We've only just begun...

CLICK HERE TO WATCH SYDNEY TALK ABOUT HER SHOW...

Being a mom means...

1. That my personal priorities are always filtered through what I desire for my children.
2. That I have to be ok with house work not getting done because sometimes they just want me to sit with them and watch a movie.
3.  That my kids "need" a new outfit before I really ever think about the fact that I have been wearing the same pair of pants for 4 years.
4. My heart breaks anytime I hear about a child being hurt.
5. That I have 4 eyes watching my every move.
6. That I can have one day that I feel like "Mom of the Year" and the next day feel like an unfit parent.
7.  That I truly believe my mom was crazy to have 3 kids.
8.  That my kids give me the greatest joys in life and the deepest sorrow - sometimes in the same hour.
9.  That I will always feel guilty that I am not doing enough to raise them right.
10. That I will never grow tired of bedtime prayers and songs.
11.  That I will never grow tired of mealtimes together.
12. That I will never grow tired of their hugs and kisses.
13. That I maybe understand now that my Heavenly Father truly only wants what is best for me.
14. That I cannot fathom God's love for me to give up His only Son's life for someone like me.
15. That I am able to give my kids the legacy of faith that my mom gave to me. I love you, mom!

To all mothers out there, enjoy your day. You deserve it.

Teaching children about God

Sydney looked at me the other day while we were having lunch and asked me "Mommy, what is sin?" She's been hearing the Easter story at preschool and at church and she had a big question. My greatest struggle as a worship leader/church leader/mom is balancing how much I tell them about God and giving them the opportunity to ask and discover on their own. This post by Piper really helped me to understand what I am feeling about how I want my kids to learn about God (and if you know his story with his kids, you DEFINITELY know that He gets it). This one as well really hits on what kids need to understand first.  I have spent most of Sydney's preschool years discussing Creation and God's design for it and for her as an individual.  This has sparked great conversation about God and how the universe works.  Certain concepts make her afraid right now like Heaven - she doesn't want to go up in the clouds because it is too high! So, we are sticking to creation right now :)

What are some things you do to teach the basics about God to your kids?

Theater and kids

   I attended Sydney's field trip yesterday to the Arts Center of Coastal Carolina  to attend the play, Katerina the Clever as presented by the Lexington Children's Theater. This is a Russian folktale about a clever young peasant girl who outwits her ruler. With the help of a goat - her best friend and loyal sidekick - she answers four riddles posed by the Tsar, earning his respect and the position of chief advisor. It was such a treat to see live theater presented for a young age in such a delightful and energetic way. I was watching the play and just thanking God that I have the opportunity to expose my child to the arts at her young age. We saw the Little Mermaid over the Thanksgiving holidays in NYC and it was amazing (I blogged more about our trip here our our family blog.) Yes- I admit it... I am living a little through my daughter right now - I make no apologies!  I cannot express in words the joy of seeing Sydney's face light up as she saw and heard "Ariel" sing on stage. The arts will always be a HUGE part of our lives and I contribute so much of her creativity and imaginative play to the early exposure of live theater and the arts in her life.

Have you attended anything great this holiday season with your kids?

Twittering for kids?

Being a mother of 2 small children, I am very intrigued about how technology is shaping their lives even as preschoolers.  I'm all about protection and filters for my kids on the internet and  I REALLY think about what I show on videos that I post at cullenhouse (our family blog). However, they are growing up in a world where technology isn't something you avoid- it is an active part of life ( Look how Obama is taking McCain to task because he doesn't do e-mail). I twitter, but now my kids can?  Check this article out...

"IT would be easy to assume that the first month of Cameron Chase’s life followed the monotonous cycle of eat-sleep-poop familiar to any new parent. But anyone who has read his oft-updated profile on Totspot, a site billed as Facebook for children, knows better. Cameron, of Winter Garden, Fla., has lounged poolside in a bouncy seat with his grandparents, noted that Tropical Storm Fay passed by his hometown, and proclaimed that he finds the abstract Kandinsky print above his parents’ bed “very stimulating..."

Read the whole story here. What do you think?

Tomlin vs. the Laurie Berkner Band

I purchased the New Laurie Berkner CD last week...Sydney and I are huge fans and we used to be Upper West Side neighbors with her in NYC.  The week before we moved, we attended her concert and it was awesome. I was very excited to get the new CD and we went to Walmart (I was going to download it, but Syd likes the packaging.) We get it in the CD player and the van is rocking! It is a terrific album.  Later that day, we are driving around and Sydney says, "I want to hear the 'Sing' song."  I said, " Are you sure?  This is so great!" She said, "The 'Sing' song is my favorite!"  So Chris, you win over the Laurie Berkner Band! "Sing Sing Sing" beats "Rocketship Run"

Do your kids have favorite songs that surprise you?

(This post is a part of Watercooler Wednesday. Join us!)

Artists Rasing artists

This post is a part of Watercooler Wednesday.

I recently read an interview with Angelina Jolie in the July 08 issue of Vanity Fair where she was asked several questions specifically about how she is raising her kids. I really resonated with this specific response to the statement that actors raise actors.  Here's what she said...“Artists raise their kids differently,” she said. “We communicate to the point where we probably annoy our children. We have art around the house, we have books, we go to plays, we talk. Our focus is art and painting and dress-up and singing. It’s what we love. So I think you can see how artists in some way raise other artists.” I totally agree!  From the time Sydney was born, I have intentionally given her an environment where she can express herself.  We paint, color, read, watch movies and discuss them, go to shows, play dress-up, sing, dance, make music. and have music playing ALL the time.  I started giving Sydney piano lessons this summer and she loves for me to play for her while she sings.  I'm not making her be an artist, it is just a way of life for us.

How do the arts invade your parenting?

CLICK HERE to read the entire interview.